Horse Feathers1932

Wagstaff:
Let us follow a corpuscle on its' journey. (suddenly grabs his bag and cap, heads for the door, then stops) Oh, my mistake, I thought I was a corpuscle. As you know, there is constant warfare between the red and white corpuscles. Now then, baboons, what is a corpuscle?

Baravelli:
That's easy. First is-a captain, then is-a lieutenant, then is-a corpuscle.

Wagstaff:
That's fine. Why don't you bore a hole in yourself and let the sap run out? We now find ourselves among the Alps. The Alps are a very simple people living on a diet of rice and old shoes. Beyond the Alps lies more Alps and the Lord Alps those that Alps themselves. We then come to the bloodstream. The blood rushes from the head down to the feet, gets a look at those feet, and rushes back to the head again. This is known as auction pinochle. Now in studying your basic metabolism, we first listen to your hearts beat. And if your hearts beat anything but diamonds and clubs, it's because your partner is cheating - or your wife...Now take this point for instance [He points to a horse's ass placed over an anatomy chart - a picture of Pinky's beloved horse that he placed there when Wagstaff wasn't looking] - That reminds me, I haven't seen my son all day. Well, the human body takes many strange forms. (removes the horse poster) Now here is a most unusual organ. The organ will play a solo immediately after the feature picture. Scientists make these deductions by examining a rat, or your landlord, who won't cut the rent. And what do they find? Asparagus! Now, on closer examination... [Pinky has now placed a picture of his ballerina beauty over Wagstaff's anatomy chart] Hmm! This needs closer examination. In fact, it needs a nightgown. Baravelli, who's responsible for this? Is this your picture?

Baravelli:
I no think so. It doesn't look like me.

Wagstaff:
Well, take it outta here immediately, and hang it up in my bedroom. Now then, out with it! Who did it? (Pinky stands up, a guilty look on his face) Oh, so you're the culprit! Young man, as you grow older, you'll find you can't burn the candle at both ends! (Pinky proves him wrong by pulling, from his pocket, a candle burning at both ends) Well, I was wrong- I knew there was something you couldn't burn at both ends, I thought it was a candle. However, you must be punished. Just for that, you stay after school! (points to a pretty girl next to Pinky)

Student:
But Professor, I didn't do anything!

Wagstaff:
(grins) I know, but there's no fun keeping him after school!