Good Morning, Vietnam1987

Nixon:
Therefore, there is no place for neutrality or a neutralist sentiment in South Vietnam. As I leave Vietnam today there is no doubt, certainly, in my mind that the Viet Cong will be defeated and this war will be won. Asia does involve, I think, very appropriately as you have suggested, give and take.

Adrian:
Well I-- I really didn't make that suggestion, sir, I'm sorry.

Nixon:
The United States has no right to give--

Hauk:
Why would Cronauer's voice be on this tape?

Abersold:
I don't know, Lieutenant.

Nixon:
--territory to the communists.

Adrian:
Mr. Nixon, thank you for that concise political commentary, but I think I'd like to delve into something slightly more personal for the men in the field. How would you describe your testicles?

[Hauk turns to the radio in horror]

Nixon:
That they're soft, and that they're shallow and they have no purpose.

Hauk:
Oh, my God.

Adrian:
What are you saying, sir?

Hauk:
Oh, my God.

Nixon:
That they lack the physical strength.

Adrian:
How would you describe your sex life with your wife Pat?

Nixon:
It is unexciting sometimes.

Adrian:
Well, have you considered, possibly, a sex change. There is an operation that can transform you

Hauk:
Please don't do this to me. Please don't do this to me.

Adrian:
--into a female Great Dane or possibly a very well hung Chihuahua. Mr. Nixon, while you've been in Vietnam, its rumored that you've smoked marijuana. Are you planning to take some of the marijuana home back to the United States? How would you do that?

Nixon:
By plane. By helicopter and also by automobile.

Adrian:
Can you please do your impersonation of Mister Ed for us?

Hauk:
(running into the control room) Cut this thing off! I said cut it off! (Bangs on the tape machine and stops the tape) Where's Cronauer?

Marty:
Still eating sir.

Hauk:
I want to see him ASAP.

Marty:
What's that?

Hauk:
As soon as possible!

Marty:
VG sir.

Garlick:
[into the mic] We interrupt this press conference to bring you this emergency performance of the Benny Goodman Orchestra.