The Lorax2012

Once-ler:
[screams and wakes up, a screaming Lorax also screams and wakes up, punching his nose] Ow! Okay, what are you...? Question, what are they doing here? And follow up, if I may, what are YOU doing here?!

The Lorax:
Well, after the incident last night, we found one of your socks and came here to return it. But when we got here, you were asleep.

Once-ler:
What? Exactly. And sleeping is the body's way of telling other people to go away.

Lorax:
I know, but you looked so cozy. And it was cold outside, and we just fell asleep. No harm done.

Once-ler:
"No harm done"? "No harm done"? Okay. [sees fish bathing in soap] Okay, I put my lips on those. Well, I used to, anyway. [sees a bird laying an egg] Ew. Did you just...In my bowl?!

Lorax:
[uses the Once-ler's toothbrush to comb his mustache] Why do you even own this? You don't have a mustache.

Once-ler:
Okay, that's it!

Lorax:
What? I thought we made a deal last night.

Once-ler:
Yes, we did. And I said I wouldn't chop down any more trees.

Lorax:
And I said I was going to keep an eye on you. I'm starving! What's for breakfast? [looks into the fridge to find the big Bar-ba-loot eating entire cubes of butter] Breakfast is overrated. [closes the fridge door]

Once-ler:
[strains] You know what? I got work to do. [quickly changes outfit] Yep! I got to go into town and sell my Thneed!

Lorax:
[when the Once-ler shows the Thneed to him; laughs] You chopped down one of my trees to make that piece of garbage?

Once-ler:
"Garbage"? Oh, no. Oh, no! You do not get it. This is a revolutionary product that will change the world as we know it. [He walks over to the Bar-ba-loots sleeping on the table and brushes them all off] It has a million uses! [He reaches under the table and pulls up Lou who is now wearing the Thneed as underwear] Look at this. It's a swimsuit! [Then he points to the muddy animal tracks on the floor.] Mud tracked all over your floor by uninvited guests? Well, the Thneed sure comes in handy for that! [He uses it to wipe up the mud tracks] But wait, there's more! Thanks to its all-natural microfibers, the Thneed is super-absorbent! [Then he goes to the fish swimming a glass filled with water. Shoves the Thneed into the glass. SLUUUURP! It instantly soaks up all the water, leaving the irritated fish standing in the dry glass.] It also works as a hat. [He plops the Thneed onto Lorax’s head. SPLURCH! It’s sopping wet and drips all over him. The Lorax gives the Once- ler a look] Of course, you probably want to wring it out first.

Lorax:
[He takes the Thneed off his head and throws it at the Once-ler.] Go ahead, knock yourself out. But nobody is going to buy that thing.

Once-ler:
Good to know. Well, fortunately, you are not the target market, weirdo.

[Once-ler strums his guitar.]

Lorax:
You're bringing a guitar?

Once-ler:
Oh, yeah. I got a little jingle. I'm gonna blow some minds, gonna sell some Thneeds! [He holds up the Thneed defiantly.] Yeah. [He slams the door, waking up a Swommee-Swan, who HONKS.]