My Cousin Vinny1992

[Vinny is cross-examining Tipton]

Vinny:
Is it possible the two defendants entered the store, picked 22 specific items off of the shelves, had the clerk take money, make change, then leave... Then two different men drive up in a similar - [sees Tipton is already shaking his head] Don't shake your head. I'm not done yet. Wait till you hear the whole thing so you can understand this now... [continues] Two different men drive up in a similar looking car, go in, shoot the clerk, rob him, and then leave?

Tipton:
No. They didn't have enough time.

Vinny:
Well, how much time was they in the store?

Tipton:
Five minutes.

Vinny:
Five minutes? Are you sure? Did you look at your watch?

Tipton:
No.

Vinny:
Oh, oh, oh, I'm sorry. You testified earlier that the boys went into the store, and you had just begun to make breakfast. You were just ready to eat, and you heard a gunshot. That's right. I'm sorry. So obviously, it takes you five minutes to make breakfast.

Tipton:
That's right.

Vinny:
So you knew that. Uh, do you remember what ya had?

Tipton:
Eggs and grits.

Vinny:
Eggs and grits. I like grits too. How do you like your grits? You like 'em regular, creamy or al dente?

Tipton:
[confused by the question] Just regular, I guess.

Vinny:
Regular. Instant grits?

Tipton:
[chuckles] No self-respectin’ Southerner uses instant grits. I take pride in my grits.

Vinny:
[Walks over to Jury, as he prepares his next question] So, Mr. Tipton. How could it take you five minutes to cook your grits, when it takes the entire grit-eating world twenty minutes?

[Tipton falls silent for a moment. Lisa smiles excitedly, and the entire courtroom stares at Tipton apprehensively, realizing he’s been stumped]

Tipton:
[nervously] I dunno. I'm a fast cook, I guess.

Vinny:
[Walks back over to Tipton] I'm sorry, I was all the way over here. I couldn't hear you. Did you just say you're a fast cook, that’s it!? Are we to believe that boiling water soaks into a grit... faster in your kitchen... than on any place on the face of the Earth!?

Tipton:
[faltering] I don't know.

Vinny:
Well, perhaps the laws of physics cease to exist on your stove! Were these magic grits? I mean, did you buy them from the same guy who sold Jack his beanstalk beans!?

Jim Trotter:
Objection, Your Honor.

Judge Haller:
Objection sustained. You can ignore the question, Mr. Tipton.

Vinny:
[advancing on Tipton] You sure about that five minutes?

Tipton:
I don't know.

Vinny:
Are you sure about that five minutes?

Tipton:
I don't know!

Judge Haller:
[banging his gavel] Mr. Gambini, I think you made your point.

Vinny:
ARE YOU SURE ABOUT THAT FIVE MINUTES!?!?

Tipton:
[embarrassed] I may have been mistaken.

Vinny:
I got no more use for this guy.

[Haller looks shocked by the exchange, while Lisa gives Vinny a proud look, and someone in the public gallery applauds. Stan turns to his public defender]

Stan:
You're fired. [gets up and points at Vinny] I want him!