The Sandlot1993

Squints:
Oh, no!

[A snooty rival baseball team called the Tigers, whom the Sandlot kids are enemies with arrive in their uniforms and bicycles. The Sandlot kids soon arrive to confront their rivals, including the leader, Phillips.]

Phillips:
Ah, it's easy when you play with a bunch of rejects and a fat kid, Rodriguez.

Benny:
Shut your mouth, Phillips!

Ham:
What'd you say, crap-face?!

Phillips:
I said, you shouldn't even allowed to touch a baseball. Except for Rodriguez, you're all an insult to the game.

Ham:
Come on! We'll take you on, right here, right now! Come on!

Sandlot Kids:
Yeah!

Ham:
Yeah, right now!

Phillips:
We play on a real diamond, Porter. You ain't good enough to lick the dirt off our cleats.

Ham:
Watch it, jerk!

Phillips:
Shut up, idiot!

Ham:
Moron!

Phillips:
Scab eater!

Ham:
Butt sniffer!

Phillips:
Pus licker!

Ham:
Fart smeller!

Bertram:
[sniffs] Ahh.

Phillips:
You eat dog crap for breakfast, geek!

Ham:
You mix your Wheaties with your mama's toe jam!

Sandlot Kids:
Yeah!

Phillips:
You bob for apples in the toilet! And you like it!

Ham:
You play ball like a girl!

[the Sandlot kids gasp as the entire group stands in shocked silence; the Sandlot kids start laughing]

Phillips:
[shocked smile] What did you say?

Ham:
You heard me.

Phillips:
Tomorrow. Noon, at our field. Be there, buffalo-butt breath.

Ham:
Count on it, pee-drinking crap-face!

Kids:
Yeah!

Phillips:
Let's go!

[the Tigers ride away, and the Sandlot kids cheer for Ham]

Timmy:
[to Ham; pats his arm] Good job.

Ham:
[about the Tigers] Jerks. [scene fades to Ham putting on Umpire mask] PLAY BALL! [puts on umpire mask] Hurry up, batter. It's gonna be a short game, and I gotta get home for lunch. [Pitcher pitches and the batter doesn't even swing] Ha-ha! That's one. [scene cuts to new pitch] [to the batter] You know, if my dog was as ugly as you, I'd shave his butt, and tell him to walk backwards. [scene cuts to new pitch] The heater. Here it comes. I dare ya. [Ham puts the batter off, he swings and misses] Strike three, you're out. [scene cuts to new pitch] Hey. Is that your sister out there in left field, naked? She's naked.

Phillips:
[gets distracted and misses] Shut up, Porter!

Ham:
Hey, hey, hey. I'm just trying to start a friendly conversation. Come on. [two seconds later] Think she'll go out with me?