Sgt. Bilko1996

[MAJ Thorn is preparing to take a helicopter back off Fort Baxter after witnessing the hovertank fail an attempted test; COL Hall and CPT Moon are trying to dissuade him.]

COL Hall:
Major, let me be frank. A negative report from you at this time would be the death knell for Fort Baxter. See, we've been in sort of a slump lately, and I-

MAJ Thorn:
Nine years without a single successful test? That's not a slump, Colonel,; that's a tradition.

COL Hall:
Look, Major- think for a minute. About the men; their careers! My career.

MAJ Thorn:
Look, Colonel, you play the hand you're dealt. This isn't exactly the career I had in mind when I got out of OCS; shining a seat with my ass in D.C., visiting every dumpy little post- I thought I'd be a colonel by now, or maybe even a general. Sorry, Colonel; what I saw this morning was a dust cloud that cost $70 million. Good morning.

COL Hall:
Ah, wait! You know, there's more to Fort Baxter than just R&D, Major. We have an award-winning, Hooah commissary!

CPT Moon:
Try the chicken casserole!

COL Hall:
And our softball team won the division title last year; Sergeant Bilko's platoon is in the Glee Club finals!

MAJ Thorn:
[Visibly bored] I'll certainly keep that in mind.

[MAJ Thorn walks off towards the helicopter and gets inside; one of the aircrew shuts the door. Suddenly, Thorn reaches out and opens it again.]

MAJ Thorn:
[Shouting over the rotors] Did you say Bilko?!

COL Hall:
Yes...?

MAJ Thorn:
Is that Ernie Bilko?!

COL Hall:
One and the same!

MAJ Thorn:
[Gets back out of the helicopter] Maybe I will stay for lunch!