Soapdish1991

Montana Moorehead:
[as Lori, Celeste, And Jeffrey kiss and make up]WAIT! Wait! But I'm carrying his child!

Jeffrey Anderson:
I didn't sleep with her! Will somebody please believe me?!

Edmund Edwards:
[offstage, delighted] This is what I meant. This is what I told them to do. This is soap opera!

[Ariel and Rose enter as doctors]

Jeffrey Anderson:
Doctor!

Ariel Maloney:
A second opinion... this is Dr. Frans Blau of the sex change clinic in Bethesda, Maryland.

Rose Schwartz:
[German accent] Thank you. Dr. Randall, after extensive investigations, I've come to the conclusion that it's virtually impossible for you to have impregnated your nurse, Montana Moorehead, because before she came to our little clinic, she was... Milton Moorehead of Syosset, Long Island.

[Rose opens the high school yearbook showing Montana's teenage boy photo]

Rose Schwartz:
[normal voice] Hello.

Montana Moorehead:
[shouts and runs off] NO! NO! NO!

Edmund Edwards:
[offstage] She's a boy!

[long, incredulous pause]

David Barnes:
Yeah, well we knew that. [starts gagging]

Edmund Edwards:
Are you okay?

David Barnes:
[weak voice] I'm fine. I'm just going to go congratulate the others.