Spaceballs1987

Dark Helmet:
Have you found them yet?

Corporal:
No, Lord Helmet, they're still not on the scanner.

Dark Helmet:
Well, keep looking for them. [taking a couple sips of coffee through his helmet]

Colonel Sandurz:
Pardon me, sir. I have an idea. [to Corporal] Corporal, get me the video cassette of Spaceballs: the Movie.

Corporal:
Yes, sir. [searches a Mr. Rental shelf full of Mel Brooks films and reading each title] The Producers, Twelve Chairs, Blazing Saddles, Young Frankenstein...

Dark Helmet:
Colonel Sandurz, may I speak with you, please?

Colonel Sandurz:
Yes, sir!

Dark Helmet:
[lifts helmet and whispers to Colonel Sandurz and himself quietly] How can there be a cassette of Spaceballs: the Movie? We're still in the middle of making it!

Colonel Sandurz:
Well, that's true, sir, but there's been a new breakthrough in home video marketing.

Dark Helmet:
There has?

Colonel Sandurz:
Yes! Instant cassettes. They're out in stores before the movie is finished!

Dark Helmet:
[doubtfully] Nah!

Corporal:
Here it is, sir! [takes out cassette and holds it] Spaceballs!

Colonel Sandurz:
Good work, Corporal, punch it up! [Corporal puts in tape and it shows an F.B.I. Anti-Piracy warning] That's much too early. Prepare to fast-forward!

Corporal:
Preparing to fast-forward.

Colonel Sandurz:
Fast-forward!

Corporal:
Fast-forwarding, sir!

[Corporal fast-forwards to the part where Dark Helmet has ignored Sandurz' warning to sit down and buckle up that leads to him denting his helmet severely]

Dark Helmet:
[about the part where he dented his helmet severely] No-no-no, go past this, past this part. In fact, never play this again. [sips coffee in embarrassment]

Colonel Sandurz:
Try here. Stop.

[Corporal stops the tape, then Dark Helmet and Sandurz come across an image of themselves viewing the screen. As they react, the screen mimics what they are doing]

Dark Helmet:
What the Hell am I looking at?! When does this happen in the movie?!

Colonel Sandurz:
"Now." You're looking at "now," sir. Everything that happens now [indicates himself and Helmet] is happening "now." [Indicates the screen]

Dark Helmet:
What happened to "then"?

Colonel Sandurz:
We passed "then."

Dark Helmet:
When?

Colonel Sandurz:
Just now. We're at "now," now.

Dark Helmet:
Go back to "then"!

Colonel Sandurz:
When?

Dark Helmet:
Now!

Colonel Sandurz:
Now?

Dark Helmet:
Now!

Colonel Sandurz:
I can't.

Dark Helmet:
Why?!

Colonel Sandurz:
We missed it.

Dark Helmet:
When?!

Colonel Sandurz:
Just now.

Dark Helmet:
... When will "then" be "now"?

Colonel Sandurz:
Soon.

Dark Helmet:
[backpedals in shock] How soon?

[Corporal rewinds the tape back to a scene showing protagonists wandering in desert]

Corporal:
Sir!

Dark Helmet:
What?!

Corporal:
We have identified their location.

Dark Helmet:
Where?!

Corporal:
It's the moon of Vega!

Colonel Sandurz:
Good work, set a course and prepare for our arrival!

Dark Helmet:
[increasingly panicked] When?!

Corporal:
1900 hours, [7:00 P.M.] sir!

Colonel Sandurz:
By high noon tomorrow, they will be our prisoners!

Dark Helmet:
WHO?!! [mask falls down]