Hook1991

Captain Hook:
Now pay attention, class. We have a lot to go over. Lesson One: Why parents hate their children. Anyone?

Maggie:
[whispering to Jack] Doesn't Mommy read to us every night?

Captain Hook:
You! The cute little urchin in the front row. Won't you share your thoughts with the whole class?

Maggie:
Yes! I said Mommy reads to us every night, because she loves us very much!

Captain Hook:
Loves you? [to Smee] Isn't that the, uh, the, um...?

Smee:
The 'L' word, Captain.

Captain Hook:
[grimly chuckles] Ooh, yes! No, child! I think your mother reads to you every night in order to stupefy you to sleep, so that she and Daddy can sit down for three measly minutes without you and you mindless, inexhaustible, unstoppable, repetitive and nagging demands! "He took my toy! She hit my bear! I want a potty! I want a cookie! I want to stay up! I want, I want, I want! Me, me, me, me! Mine, mine, mine, mine! Now, now, now!" [inhales deeply] Can't you understand, child? They tell you stories to shut you up.

Smee:
And conk you out.

Maggie:
That's not true, Jack! [to Hook] You're a liar!

Captain Hook:
Lie? Me? [laughs] Never. [inhales deeply again] The truth is far too much fun.