Kelly's Heroes1970

Captain Maitland:
Okay, Sergeant, everything's secure up here. I'm coming down now.

Big Joe:
Hey, Captain.

Captain Maitland:
Sergeant, do you think I could get this yacht to Paris by Sunday?

Big Joe:
You didn't bring me to this lousy farmhouse to talk about this lousy boat again, did you, Captain?

Captain Maitland:
Oh, now, Sergeant, I worked on a deal with Headquarters. I just want to make sure they have a good time. I must get this yacht to Paris and pick up one and two things for the General.

Big Joe:
And where do we spend this vacation?

Captain Maitland:
Right here, Sergeant.

Big Joe:
Are you kidding?

Captain Maitland:
No, I'm not kidding. With a little imagination, you can fix this place up. Lay out a baseball diamond. Run the water into the back of the house. Special service is coming by with some magazines and paperbacks.

Big Joe:
We're 10 miles from the nearest town! There's no action!

Captain Maitland:
Well, that's the beautiful thing about this location, Sergeant. It's quiet. Get yourself a little suntan, a little rest. In three days we're back in the line.

Truck Driver:
Hey, Captain! We're all ready to move out!

Captain Maitland:
Yeah, go ahead.

Big Joe:
Captain, there's no broads, there's no booze, there's no action!

Captain Maitland:
That's another thing. Don't fool around with the women; their husbands carry guns. And don't forget, the penalty for looting is death!

Big Joe:
LOOT WHAT?! THERE'S NOTHIN' HERE TO LOOT!

Captain Maitland:
[hurrying after the truck hauling his yacht] I'll be back in three days!

Big Joe:
Get yourself a suntan and get some rest. He's got to be out of his mind!

Private Fisher:
But how does he get away with it? That's what I wanna know.

Big Joe:
Very simple. The General's his uncle, that's how.