Mulan1998

Matchmaker:
"Fa Mulan."

Mulan:
Present!

Matchmaker:
[to herself, writing on clipboard] Speaking without permission...

Mulan:
Oops.

Grandmother:
[whispering to Fa Li] Who spit in her bean curd? [Mulan walks into the Matchmaker's building with the Matchmaker following behind and closing the door]

Matchmaker:
[looking over Mulan] Huh, Hmm, too skinny. [Cri-Kee escapes from his cage. Mulan struggles to catch him] Hmph, not good for bearing sons. [Mulan puts Cri-Kee in her mouth when Matchmaker turns around to face her] Recite the final admonition.

Mulan:
[nodding and smiling] Mmm-Hmm. [Takes out fan and covers her mouth as she spits out Cri-Kee] Ptu

Matchmaker:
Well...

Mulan:
[with dignity] Fulfill your duties calmly and ref-- [looking at her arm with smeared writing] spectfully. Reflect before you snack [surprised, Mulan looks at her arm again] act. [now rapidly] This shall bring you honor and glory. [Fanning herself rapidly and sighing in relief] Huh.

Matchmaker:
[snatches the fan and looks at it on both sides looking for notes not finding any. Mulan smiles big when Matchmaker looks at her. Matchmaker grabs Mulan's right arm pulling her along while smearing the writing and leaving some ink on her hand] Hmmm, this way. NOW, pour the TEA [Pushing a teapot towards Mulan] To please your future in-laws you must demonstrate a sense of dignity [Matchmaker smears ink around her mouth. Mulan staring at Matchmaker pours some tea onto the table then notices her mistake and pours the tea into the cup] and refinement. You must also be poised. [Mulan notices Cri-kee in the tea-cup as Matchmaker takes the cup]

Mulan:
[whispering] Um...Pardon me....

Matchmaker:
AND SILENT!! [inhales the teacup]

Mulan:
[begins to climb on table, reaching for the teacup] Could I just....take that back? One moment....

[They both begin tugging on the teacup, causing it to spill, and Crikee to jump inside the Matchmaker's dress.]

Matchmaker:
WHY, YOU CLUMSY...!

[She begins to leap around the room, due to Crikee being in her dress. She knocks over the furnace, accidentally sits on the coals, and begins jumping around even more. Mulan attempts to help by fanning her behind, causing it to burst into flame. The Matchmaker screams and falls on the table, breaking it.]

Grandmother Fa:
[to Fa Li] I think it's going well. Don't you?

Matchmaker:
[bursts out of front door, her butt still on fire] PUT IT OUT! PUT IT OUT! PUT IT OUT!!! [Mulan takes the teapot, throws the tea on Matchmaker and puts out the fire. She bows, hands the teapot back to Matchmaker and covers her face as she walks toward Fa Li and Grandma Fa with Matchmaker is just so anger] YOU ARE A DISGRACE! You may look like a bride, but you will NEVER bring your family honor!