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Narrator:
The year was 2081, and everybody was finally equal.  They weren't only equal before God and the law, you see.  They were equal every which way.  Nobody was smarter than anybody else.  Nobody was better looking than anybody else.  Nobody was stronger or quicker than anybody else.  And all this equality was due to the 211th, 212th, and 213th Amendments to the Constitution, and to the unceasing vigilance of the United States Handicapper General.  The strong wore weights to make them weaker.  The intelligent wore earpieces that kept them from taking unfair advantage of their brains.  Even the beautiful sometimes wore masks in situations where their beauty might simply be…too distracting.  It was the Golden Age of Equality.