Scream2022

[Richie and Amber have revealed themselves to be the killers, and they drag Sam and Sidney to the kitchen]

Richie:
Someone has to save the franchise! You see, no one has made a great "Stab" movie since the first one. Not really. [To Amber] Hey, baby, you want to go get the very ex-Mrs. Riley?

Amber:
Yeah, I do.

[Richie approaches Sidney]

Richie:
Sidney Prescott. You know, I'm a really big fan.

Sidney:
Go f*** yourself.

Richie:
You see the last "Stab" movie?

Sidney:
Not really a fan of scary movies.

Richie:
That checks out. Anyway, it sucked balls. Because nobody takes the true fans seriously, not really. They just laugh at us, and why?! Because we love something?! We're just a f***ing joke to them?! How can fandom be toxic? It's about love! They don't f***ing understand these movies are important to people!

Sam:
Richie...

Richie:
And we're gonna help them! Hollywood's totally f***ing out of ideas, so we decided we'd give them some new source material to follow. You know, bring it back to basics. Because that's how you make a great "Stab" movie, Sam. Based on actual events.

[Amber drags Gale to the kitchen, then approaches Sidney, mockingly waving her knife at her while mimicking the Psycho theme]

Sam:
You did all this just to make me the hero of your f***ed-up movie?

Richie:
Sweetie, you’re not the hero. You’re the villain. The daughter of Billy Loomis who sees f***ed-up visions of her dead dad. Sidney Prescott killed your father. You...did all this just to get her back to Woodsboro.

Amber:
You know what the biggest problem with the "Stab" movies is? There’s no Michael Myers or Jason Voorhees, no bad guy to keep coming back. But the illegitimate daughter of the original mastermind? Now that’s a f***ing villain.

Sam:
How did you know?

Amber:
About your father? I mean, it’s a small town and your mom’s a drunk! I met Richie on the "Stab" subreddit. I’ve been obsessed ever since my parents bought this house. We realized pretty quickly we had similar ideas.

Richie:
Wasn’t that hard for me to find you in Modesto. It wasn’t that hard for me to f*** you, either. But I guess being a sexually available woman is supposed to be empowering these days.

Sam:
[angered] F*** you!

Richie:
Well, now you’re just quoting the original.

Amber:
But it wouldn’t work with just you, Sam. See, we had to bring the legacy characters back to make it matter. Can’t have a bona fide Halloween without Jamie Lee!

Richie:
Nope!

Amber:
Dewey had to die to make it real, to show that this wasn’t just some bullshit, cash-in, run-of-the-mill sequel. Because our movie has f***ing stakes! [Speaks in a sing-song tone] ‘Cause anyone can die in a requel.

[Sidney attempts to escape, only for Amber to stab her in the side]

Richie:
I’m so sorry, Sid. We can’t let you live, either. I mean, surviving this many times, that would just be ridiculous. [Speaks in a true evil and delusional tone] This time, the fans are gonna be the ones who win. [To Amber] That about cover it?

Amber:
[Smiles] Nailed it, baby.

Richie:
[Confident their plan will succeed without fail] Get Tara out of the closet. We got to go start staging the bodies! [Amber leaves; Richie starts taunting Sam] You really should’ve listened to Dewey! He nailed it in one! "Dude, look at the love interest!" Are you f***ing stupid? I even had you convinced it could be your sister.

[Immediately after, Amber's voice is heard, sounding stunned and confused]

Amber:
Um, she’s not here.

[Richie's smile fades as he becomes stunned]

Richie:
What the f*** do you mean she’s not here?

Amber:
She’s not here!

Sam:
I untied her. [Richie looks at Sam, shocked] Guess you’re not as persuasive as you thought.