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[Dale and Saul just evaded the police]

Saul:
Hey, you all right, man? You sound pretty hectic.

Dale:
I'm okay. Let's just get the f*** out of here, okay?

Saul:
All right. [he takes out a pipe and an ounce of marijuana] First things first. [takes out a lighter to light up the pipe, as he is about to smoke it]

Dale:
Don't... do that, okay?

Saul:
[stops lighting and puts down the pipe and lighter] Yeah, why not?

Dale:
Why not? Car chase, gunshots. That clearly just happened, because we were smoking marijuana.

Saul:
Naw, man. That happened 'cause those f***ing kids couldn't keep their sh*t on the down low, man.

Dale:
In case you haven't noticed, which you haven't, 'cause from what I can tell, you don't notice ANYTHING, EVER, we are not very functional when we're high, which is all the f***in' time!

Saul:
Well, I don't know, man. I think I'm functioning right now. I was like, stoned when I saved you with those slushies. What do you gotta say to that, man?

Dale:
Okay. Well, that would be true... if you HAD saved me, but you didn't save me, she was gonna help us, and you made things worse, and now were wanted for all sorts of f***in' crazy sh*t!

Saul:
Don't f***ing get on my case, all right? Look, the only reason I started selling pot is so I could put my bubbe in a nice retirement home.

Dale:
Oh, yeah. She must be proud of you for that.

Saul:
She is really proud of me. And I'm gonna become something, man. As soon as she dies, I'm gonna become a civil engineer. I'm gonna design septic tanks for playgrounds. Little kids can take shits! You idiot. What the hell do you do?

Dale:
You mean besides stay in my home, for fear that you designed some object I'm around? I'm gonna be on the radio, talking about LIFE! Giving lessons about life!

Saul:
Oh, well, in my place, I'm gonna be designing buildings and what's he gonna be doing? BORING PEOPLE TO DEATH ON THE RADIO!

Dale:
You are an a**hole. That's all you are, you're an a**hole.

Saul:
I'm not an a**hole!

Dale:
You are an a**hole!

Saul:
No, you know what? I'm-- I'm-- I feel pretty-- pretty sure that I'm not an a**hole. I'm, like, a totally nice guy.

Dale:
I'm just as nice as you are, so you don't bring that out. When we were in the woods, I gave you my jacket. YOU WERE COLD, AND I CLOTHED YOU!

Saul:
What about in the park, where I said that you were my friend? You didn't say anything back.

Dale:
Well, that's easy, it's because we're NOT friends. You are my drug dealer. There's one reason we know each other, I like the drugs you sell, that's it. And if you didn't sell those drugs, BOOB BOOB BOOB BOOB I would have no idea who you were, and I would be fantastic right now! Instead of looking like this.