The Shivering Truth2018

Business Saleswoman:
Oooh, these would look sexy on you.

[The underwear starts bleeding blood]

Tessa Doinel:
No, I-I don't like it.

Business Saleswoman:
Not your color?

Tessa Doinel:
No, it's the blood.

Business Saleswoman:
Oh. Well, there are other fluids. These ones here are self-snotting.

[The self-snotting underwear coughs up mucus]

Business Saleswoman:
Ooh, that's hot on you. You looking to spice up your marriage?

[The saleswoman wipes the snot off of Tessa's face and ate it]

Tessa Doinel:
Well, I'd like to have kids, so...

Business Saleswoman:
You should've said so. These ones are crotchless for easy...you know. Go on, push.

Tessa Doinel:
Huh?

[The Saleswoman pulls up a knife to force Tessa to push]

Business Saleswomen:
Push! Don't be shy.

[Tessa and the Saleswoman moans by making the underwear magically push out a baby]

Business Saleswoman:
Here it comes. Harder. Harder!

Business Saleswoman:
Ooh, that's sexy. You broke it, you bought it.

Tessa Doinel:
I don't know how to take care of it.

Business Saleswoman:
Gotcha covered. Just feed the goddamn thing till it moves out or goes to jail.