The Shivering Truth2018

Operator:
911. What is your emergency?

Lyle:
I'm trapped upside down in my car. Losing blood. Please, send someone quick. I'm...I'm rich. I'll pay whatever.

Operator:
What's that?

Lyle:
I-If you can get someone here faster, money is no object.

Operator:
Oh. I didn't realize you were wealthy. You should have said something. I'll transfer you to our luxury line.

Lyle:
Luxury line?

Operator:
One moment, please.

[the operator leaves and plays classical music when the next operator shows up]

Charleston:
[British accent] Good evening. 9-1-1 Deluxe. My name is Charleston. To whom do I have speaking?

Lyle:
My name is Lyle Darpi. Please help.

Charleston:
Right away, Mr. Darpi. What is the nature of our emergency this afternoon?

Lyle:
I'm trapped in my car. I think my leg is gone.

Charleston:
Oh, wonderful. Well, we have a superb fleet of ambuli for you to choose from --

Lyle:
Anything!

Charleston:
Would you prefer standard stretch, that comes with a stocked wet bar; superstretch with hotted tub...

Lyle:
Whatever's fastest!

Charleston:
...super-duper-duper-double-decker, which comes with a personal blood butler --

Lyle:
It doesn't matter! Just hurry! Wolves are closing in!

Charleston:
Oh, excellent, sir. And what is your Platinum Elite Plus member number?

Lyle:
I don't have one! Oh, God, there are wolves coming!

Charleston:
It's perfectly fine, sir. No need to yell. This is the luxury service. I can just give you a new account.

Lyle:
Losing blood. I'm losing blood and...losing blood. losing blood. losing blood. losing blood.

Lyle:
This is all that kid Pauly's fault -- Solid Face.

Charleston:
Uh-huh, and...yeah. There we go. And your confirmation number on the new account is YTR583836839027FRTH85779. Dash B. Now go ahead and give me that confirmation number, and we'll be good to go.

Lyle:
I-I don't remember it!

Charleston:
You've lost your confirmation number?

Lyle:
Please send help. The wolves are licking blood off the hood.

Charleston:
Mm. You know what, sir? I'm really not supposed to do this, but I'm going to get you an ambulance without the confirmation number.

Lyle:
Thank you!

Charleston:
Absolutely. So, would you prefer standard stretch, which, again, comes complete with a fully stocked wet bar; superstretch with hotted tub; super-dupra-double-dog-lupra --

Lyle:
Please! The wolves! Aah! Aaahhh!