The Cat in the Hat2003

Announcer:
Live from the kitchen, the following is a paid commercial announcement for Astounding Products.

The Guy in the Sweater:
Hi! Welcome to Astounding Products. [applause] I'm your host, the guy in the sweater who asks all the obvious questions. Now, here to tell us about his astounding product for making cupcakes, all the way from Cheshire, England, please welcome...

Cheshire Cat:
ME! Hello! [applause] Now... Hello. I'm so excited! Do you love making cupcakes but hate all the hard cupcake work?

The Guy in the Sweater:
I know I do. [laughs]

Cheshire Cat:
[slides appliances off the counter] Well, forget everything you know about making cupcakes and say hello... [brings out the Cupcake-Inator] ...to the amazing Cupcake-Inator. I'm so excited! [laughs]

The Guy in the Sweater:
Cupcake-a-what?

Cheshire Cat:
[the crowd joins in] CUPCAKE-INATOR! Alright, this amazing device can instantly make cupcakes out of anything that you have in the kitchen.

The Guy in the Sweater:
Wait a minute, did you say "anything"?

Cheshire Cat:
Anything!

The Guy in the Sweater:
Anything?

Cheshire Cat:
Yes, anything.

The Guy in the Sweater:
Anything?

Cheshire Cat:
Anything.

The Guy in the Sweater:
Anything?

Cheshire Cat:
[turns to the guy in the sweater] I'll get you and it'll look like a bloody accident! [the crowd laughs] Anything. Now, let's see, take off the lid. [says what he puts in the Cupcake-Inator] You can put in, I don't know, a carton of eggs.

The Guy in the Sweater:
[amazed] What?!

Cheshire Cat:
How about a pack of hot dogs?

The Guy in the Sweater:
[laughing] That's incredible!

Cheshire Cat:
Why not some ketchup?

The Guy in the Sweater:
Yes, why not?!

Cheshire Cat:
How about...? I know what you're thinking. Even a fire extinguisher. There we go. [closes the lid] Now, close the lid and Bob's your flippin' uncle.

The Guy in the Sweater:
What an astounding product! [laughs]

The Cat in the Hat:
Oh yeah!

Cheshire Cat:
Open the drawer. [drawer open] Fill the patented Cupcake-Inator tray. [a purple solution pours out] Close the drawer. [drawer closes] Then place it in a conventional oven. [applause while the guy in the sweater dances and the Cupcake-Inator is placed in the oven] Delicious cupcakes are just minutes away.

The Guy in the Sweater:
Did you just say "minutes away"? [the crowd joins in] That's impossible!

Cheshire Cat:
You're not just wrong, you're stupid. [the crowd groans]

The Guy in the Sweater:
Now wait just a minute...

Cheshire Cat:
And your ugly, just like your mum.

The Guy in the Sweater:
Did you just call my mother ugly?

Cheshire Cat:
[holds up a meat cutter] OH, SHUT UP! I MEAN IT! I WILL END YOU!!! [grunts as he cuts off his tail, leaving Conrad, Sally and the Cat staring in disbelief]

Sally:
Um, Cat, your tail.

Cheshire Cat:
What about me? Oh, I see. I've chopped it off. Well, that's interesting because... [sees his tail cut in half] SON OF A BI- [a loud and long bleep is heard, along with The Cat covering Conrad and Sally's Eyes, the Guy in the Sweater makes the screen go to the "Hang in There, Baby!"]