Scream 42011

Sidney Prescott:
This... you film your entire high school experience and what, post it on the 'net?

Robbie Mercer:
Everybody will be doing it some day.

Charlie Walker:
It's kind of the one component the killer is missing.

Gale Weathers-Riley:
Wait, what do you mean?

Charlie Walker:
Well, if you wanna be the new, new version, the killer should be filming the murders.

Robbie Mercer:
Yeah, it's like the natural next step in the psycho-slasher innovation. I mean you film them all real-time and before you get caught, you upload them into cyberspace.

Charlie Walker:
Making your art as immortal as you.

Charlie Walker:
[speaking the same time as Robbie] Not to implicate him.

Robbie Mercer:
[speaking same time as Charlie] Not to implicate me.

Sidney Prescott:
So who do you think is doing the murders.

Charlie Walker:
Well, it's a Stab fanatic clearly. Working on less of a Shrequel and more of a Screamake.

Robbie Mercer:
Copyright terms, by the way.

Charlie Walker:
Cause all there are now are remakes. Only horror studios green-light. I mean, there are still rules, but the rules have changed. The unexpected is the new cliche.

Robbie Mercer:
Yeah, you gotta have an opening sequence, that blows the doors off, gallop some music video direction and the kill's gotta be way more extreme.

Charlie Walker:
Modern audiences get sappy to the rules of the original. So, the reverse has become the new standard. In fact, the only sure-fire way to survive a modern horror movie, you pretty much gotta be gay.

[pause]

Gale Weathers-Riley:
So, why are you so sure that the killer is working by the rules of a horror remake?

Robbie Mercer:
Well, the original Stab structure is pretty apparent.

Charlie Walker:
Yeah, two kids killed in a house when their parents are away?

Robbie Mercer:
And, then the school's 'hot chick' savage beyond recognition.

Charlie Walker:
We all know where it goes from there...?

Sidney Prescott:
A party.

Charlie Walker:
Exactly. A party. Guaranteed third-act-main-cast bloodbath.

Robbie Mercer:
Fingers crossed on some nudity for a change.