Merry Christmas, Drake & Josh2008

[Josh is talking with Officer Gilbert's mother.]

Josh:
All my brother and I are trying to do is give the kids the best Christmas they ever had. It's like Officer Gilbert, your son... he just hates us.

Mrs. Gilbert:
Oh, I'm sure Perry doesn't hate you. He hates Christmas.

Josh:
But why?

Mrs. Gilbert:
It goes back to when he was just 8 years old. As a little boy, he loved Christmas so much. And there was one present he always wanted more than any other.

Josh:
What was it?

Mrs. Gilbert:
A monkey.

Josh:
A monkey.

Mrs. Gilbert:
It was Christmas Eve. [a flashback is shown] Perry woke up in the wee hours of the morning. And, as children would do, he sneaked out of his bedroom and into the den to see what Santa had left him. There, by our Christmas tree, was a fine monkey in a cage. It was the present Perry had dreamed of. Then, Perry turned the latch, and opened the cage... [the monkey attacks young Perry and wrecks the Christmas decorations] and that's when things went terribly wrong. The monkey went berserk.

Young Perry:
[in flashback; screaming] What did I do?! Aah! Aah! Aah! Crazy monkey! Bad monkey! Bad monkey! Aaah!

Mrs. Gilbert:
And then... the tinkling. [the monkey removes its shorts and urinates] Its bladder empty, the monkey jumped out the window, never to be seen again.

Drake:
That is the freakiest story I've ever heard.

Josh:
I know, but it's true. Christmas was ruined for him as a kid, so now he wants to ruin it for everyone else.