Shrek the Third2007

[First lines; The movie begins with a familiar beam of light shines down. The beam of light descends onto a stage. Lightning flashes to reveal Prince Charming riding his valiant steed Chauncey across the open plains. The wind blows back his golden mane]

Prince Charming:
Onward, Chauncey! To the highest room of the tallest tower, where my princess awaits rescue from her handsome Prince Charming!

[Lightning cracks. Thunder booms. Charming straddles a wooden hobby horse and gallops in place. A stage hand uses a bellow to blow air into Prince Charming's face. Another stage hand turns a crank that creates the moving background. In the orchestra, a man uses coconuts to create the sound effects of a galloping horse. Two more stage hands back stage create the cheap sound effects of thunder and lightning. A crudely constructed castle tower sits in front of a cheaply painted backdrop. The Fairytale Creatures are sitting at a table in the audience]

Gingerbread Man:
This is worse than "Love Letters". I hate dinner theater!

Pinocchio:
Me, too. [his nose grows]

Prince Charming:
[rides to the base of the tower] Whoa there, Chauncey! [dismounts and sets his hobby horse on the ground, and strikes a dramatic pose]

Actress:
[as the princess, leaning from the tower window] Hark! The brave Prince Charming approacheth.

Prince Charming:
[puffing his chest out] Fear not, fair maiden. I shall slay the monster that guards you, then take my place as rightful king.

[An old couple at a table look confused]

Old Lady:
[to the old man] What did she say?

[Prince Charming glares as the bored audience largely ignores him. A man in a bad ogre costume comes onto the stage. The whole crowd erupts into applause]

Gingerbread Man:
Yeah! It's Shrek!

Little Pigs & Pinocchio:
Whoo, Shrek, yeah!

Prince Charming:
[ignoring the cheers, pulls out his sword, and confronts the Shrek-like beast] Prepare, foul beast, to enter into a world of pain with which you are not familiar!

Waiter:
[singing while carrying a birthday cake] Happy birthday to thee / Happy birthday to thee

Prince Charming:
Do you mind?! [hops out of the way when a chair lands on stage. It slides past him and bumps into the tower facade]

Gingerbread Man:
Do you mind?! Boring!

[The audience laugh]

Prince Charming:
[glares at them, then rises to recover, and points his sword at the monster again. The tower facade starts to topple] Prepare, foul beast... [looks over his shoulder and sees the facade falling. He cringes. The scenery slams against the stage, but Prince Charming is unharmed, perfectly framed in the princesses' window. The crowd laughs at the embarrassed Prince Charming. He shakes his mangled sword at the audience] Someday, you'll be sorry.

Heckler:
[off-screen] We already are!

[They laugh again. Prince Charming throws down his sword, picks up his hobby horse, and exits]

Ogre Mascot:
Grr!

[The song and the laughter follow Prince Charming backstage. Prince Charming walks through a tunnel backstage that leads to a door. The door has a star with his name written on it. He opens it. Prince Charming sits at his broken vanity and sobs. His make-shift dressing room is in an alley way next to the theater. Horses whinny as a carriage passes by. The castle of Far Far Away can be seen on the hill in the background. Prince Charming breaks down and cries. He looks up and sees a picture of the Fairy Godmother taped to the vanity. "Don't stop believing! Mommy's Little Angel" is written on the picture]

Prince Charming:
[heavy sobs] Mommy... [weeps again and then looks back at the picture. A determined change grows across his face] You're right. I can't let this happen. I CAN'T! [looks at the castle on the hill. He stands up, faces the castle, and holds his chin up high] I am the rightful King of Far Far Away. And I promise you this, Mother, I will restore dignity to my throne! [a big gust of wind blows a newspaper page across his face. He peels it off and looks at the headline. His eyes tense and narrow. In the newspaper is a picture of Shrek and Fiona waving to the crowd] And this time, no one will stand in my way. [crumples up the newspaper in his fists]