She's Out of My League2010

Kirk:
Devon, why would you tell her that I broke up with Molly?

Devon:
'Cause I thought you had.

Kirk:
No. We're just in a sticky wicket.

Stainer:
A "sticky wicket"?

Kirk:
Yeah. A rough patch. Rough pumpkins.

Stainer:
And how many times have you called her?

Kirk:
Five.

Stainer:
And how many times have you really called her?

Kirk:
Seventeen.

Stainer:
It's done. Tao of Love.

Kirk:
What?

Stainer:
That's what I call it. The Tao of Love. You being with Molly defies, like, forces of nature. It's over man.

Kirk:
No. It's not over. Frankly, I'm sick of all you guys pretending like you know where I'm coming from. None of you know what I'm going through right now.

Stainer:
Tina Jordan does.

Kirk:
Who the hell is Tina Jordan?

Stainer:
She was my Molly.

Kirk:
You never mentioned her.

Stainer:
I didn't want to jinx it. But she was perfect. Yeah, perfect. Freckled shoulders. Anyway, two months into it, bam, she dumps me. I shoulda seen it coming too, 'cause she was a ten. Like a hard ten. I was a six, possibly a seven. Either way, I couldn't cover the spread. The universe spoke and I was depressed for months.

Kirk:
That's what that was? You said you had mono.

Stainer:
Yeah. Mono of the heart.

Jack:
Oh, my God, how's your vagina?

Stainer:
Shut up, Jack!