Mary Shelley's Frankenhole2010

Adolf Hitler:
I... [sadly] I hate the jews.

Polidori:
Historically, you are in good company.

Adolf Hitler:
Yeah, but I'm just sick of it. It's controlling my whole life! Herr Frankenstein...I want to quit hating the jews.

Victor Frankenstein:
Then why don't you just start liking them?

Adolf Hitler:
I CAN'T! I want to, but my hands are tied! I hate them!

Polidori:
Have you tried *not* hating them?

Adolf Hitler:
What do you think? I'm stupid? Yeah, I tried! Look. [grunts] There! Tried again! Still hate 'em. Satisfied?

Victor Frankenstein:
Well, if I were you, Mr. Hitler --

Adolf Hitler:
You would do exactly as I do...if you were me.

Victor Frankenstein:
...

Adolf Hitler:
You think I want to be like this? You think I picked the shape of this dumb brain of mine? Did I choose the environment I grew up in during my formative years? And was I my own parents who raised myself in a cold, emotionless germanic childhood? No!

Adolf Hitler:
Despising and fearing jews is more than just a fun pastime for me. It is a controlling handicap that gets in the way of being WHO. I. REALLY. AM...a tolerator of jews.

Victor Frankenstein:
I'm sure we can help you.

Adolf Hitler:
Oh, Herr Frankenstein, Herr Polidori, if you can rid me of this burdensome character flaw, I would give you anything. Even the gift of me not having you executed by the Gestapo. I know people.

Victor Frankenstein:
Give us an afternoon to research this dilemma. There's a quaint little pub in the village where you can occupy yourself. My creation will show you there. He's an alcoholic.

Frankenstein's Creation:
What unreciprocated favor may I carry out in your honor today, master genius?

Adolf Hitler:
Funny. I always -- I always pictured you as being green.

Frankenstein's Creation:
[sighs] Shall we not, tarry?

Victor Frankenstein:
Well, I'll need a smoke before we start.

Polidori:
Yes, and I could use a swift wanking.