Mary Shelley's Frankenhole2010

[Ron Howard have sex with a woman]

Ron Howard:
Who are you?

Jasmine:
Uh, I'm Ron.

Ron Howard:
Uh-huh.

Jasmine:
Ron Howard.

Ron Howard:
Good...

Jasmine:
Child star...full head...

Ron Howard:
Uh-huh.

Jasmine:
...of hair.

Ron Howard:
Oh, yeah.

Jasmine:
Squeaky-clean image.

Ron Howard:
Say it again, make me believe you!

Jasmine:
Ron -- Child --

Ron Howard:
Uh-huh.

Jasmine:
Hair -- Squeak --

Ron Howard:
No. No. Cut.

Jasmine:
Huh?

Ron Howard:
I mean, "Stop". Stop having sex with me.

Jasmine:
Oh. Okay.

Ron Howard:
Ugh, it's not working.

Tom Hanks:
Of course it's not working.

Ron Howard:
Tom! Hi! Uh, I was just auditioning, uh, Jasmine here for a -

Tom Hanks:
Oh, come on, Ron. A mirror on this hooker's face? That kind of stuff never works. No matter how hard you try, it ain't gonna be you, kid. I know. I went through the same thing. [gives Ron a card]

Ron Howard:
[reads] "Frankenstein's Mad Operations LTD."?

Tom Hanks:
There's a map of the nearest frankenhole on the back of the card. Go to Frankenstein and ask him to make you a clone that you can screw whenever you want!

Ron Howard:
Oh, I-I don't think I want that.

Tom Hanks:
Ron, guys like us need an outlet for our perversion, or else our true grossness starts showing up underneath these wholesome personas of ours. Then how are we ever gonna play nice guys with aids or retarded hicks?

Ron Howard:
But, Tom, I just want to be young again. Can he do that?

Tom Hanks:
Well, he can do this -- Tommy?

Tommy:
Yes, Daddy?

Ron Howard:
Hey, that's you from "Bosom Buddies"! Yeah, he can probably handle making me young again. [leaves]

Tom Hanks:
[to Jasmine] Okay, lower the mirror, sweetheart. [zipper unzips] Whoops!