Mary Shelley's Frankenhole2010

Show Announcer:
And our second prize goes to Dr. Moreau's Super Vampire Monster.

[while the audience are still clapping, the Super Vampire Monster hasn't come out yet, until Joe Yunger shows up to the stage and brings some news]

Joe Yunger:
[covered in super vampire monster blood] I regret to inform you that the Super Vampire couldn't be here tonight -- Or any other night. But I'll be accepting this award on his behalf, a-and I'm sure that he'd like to thank his mama, his agent, and God -- Who don't give a Louis Pasteur about science. SO SUCK IT, ALL Y'ALL!

Joe Yunger:
Now, personally, I'd like to thank the south, and I'll tell you another damn thing, too. The south is the greats region in this country. In the words of Martin Luther King -- [sees a skunk woman touching him] Get your unholy paws off me!

[Joe then gets sprayed by skunk's friend]

Joe Yunger:
AAAH! SON OF A B*TCH! Somebody get me some damn tomato juice! Get me some vodka, too! Hell, just bring me a damn Bloody Mary!