Mary Shelley's Frankenhole2010

[the vampires see Attack of the Monster Killer 5 in the movie theatre]

Count Dracula:
Oh, no! No! Don't go into the house, you lady, you!

Count African Americula:
You're gonna get staked, mama.

Count Von Count:
You're right. Count African Americula. This chick must have nine lives. [laughs] One life! [laughs] Two lives [laughs] Three lives!

[zooms out the scene where Victor and Elizabeth are also watching the same movie as the vampires are]

Victor Frankenstein:
My head is going to explode if they don't shut up!

Elizabeth Frankenstein:
Now, now, Victor.

Victor Frankenstein:
What is is with vampires that they have to always yell back at movies?

Elizabeth Frankenstein:
It's not always just vampires.

Victor Frankenstein:
Always! They are ruining the movies!

Elizabeth Frankenstein:
[laughs] "Attack of the Monster Killer 5"? It's going to end just like every other "Attack of the Monster Killers" movie. Everyone will --

Victor Frankenstein:
Aah. Nah, I can't hear you. Nah, I can't hear you. [singing] La-la-la-la-la-la-la.

Elizabeth Frankenstein:
Oh, stop that.

Victor Frankenstein:
Well, don't tell me what's going to happen.

Count Chocolatey:
[laughs] You deserve that, you soggy flake! Hoo-la-a-a-a!

Nosferatu:
[title card intensifies] Oh! I bet she gets killed at the end of that hallway!

Victor Frankenstein:
That is the last straw. [to the vampires] Shut up!

Count Dracula:
Watch who you're messing with, Franken-stupid-stein. My friend here is a serial (cereal) vampire.

Count Chocolatey:
That's right. I am Count Chocolatey -- Part of a nutritious breakfast. Ma-ah!

Victor Frankenstein:
Look, I've had enough of you, you...nightwalkers!

Vampires:
[gasps]

Count African Americula:
You don't have to use the "N" word, pal.

Count Dracula:
Yeah, only we can call each other that!

Nosferatu:
[title card intensifies] Except we say, "Nightwalkas".

Victor Frankenstein:
Yes, well...be that as it may...

Blanket Jackson:
Will you park your keister, meister, so the folks behind you can enjoy the flickerino?

Victor Frankenstein:
You work here?!

Blanket Jackson:
[shows his card] Is a bear catholic, brah?

Victor Frankenstein:
Well, I want you to eject these loudmouth vampires from this establishment this instant.

Blanket Jackson:
No can do, brolissimo. My movie theater does not discriminate against any paying customer, regardless of race, creature, or color.

Victor Frankenstein:
But they are ruining this movie for me and my wife.

[Victor then sees his wife hanging out with the vampires]

Elizabeth Frankenstein:
[laughs] Oh, give me a break. Like she would go back down into that basement.

Blanket Jackson:
[to Victor] Guess you're outnumbered, brah.

Count Von Count:
Yes, and I, count along with me, will count how outnumbered you are. One! [laughs] Two! [laughs] Three! [laughs]