Mary Shelley's Frankenhole2010

Victor Frankenstein:
Joe, you've got to kill some vampires fore me.

Joe Yunger:
Be quiet, Victor. I'm about to kill one for me, dude.

Victor Frankenstein:
Oh. Zip.

[Joe opens up the tombstone]

Joe Yunger:
Vampire Gandhi, in the spirit of my forefathers back in the colonial days of the greatest country in the world, the U.S. of frickin' A., I free you from the enslavement of the undead. To paraphrase my personal hero, Patrick Henry, give me liberty from vampirism or gimme a break, man.

Vampire Gandhi:
Oh, please. A-don't kill me. I love-a the founding fathers, too. Who were they? Oh, yeah! George Washington and John Hancock -- Oh, yes, he's a good one.

Joe Yunger:
SHUT YOUR HOLE! Don't you soil their great names with your fang mouth, you blood-guzzlin' creep.

[suddenly Joe Yunger gets splashed with blood]

Joe Yunger:
What the sam hill?

PETU Woman:
Vampire hunting is murder.

Joe Yunger:
So, what? I got a license, b*tch.

PETU Man:
People for the Ethical Treatment of the Undead don't care about your death certificate.

PETU Woman:
And you are now marked with blood so everyone knows you for the murderer you are. Ha!

Joe Yunger:
You think I ain't used to a little blood? I'm a vampire hunter.

Vampire Gandhi:
[sighs] Too bad. Such a delicious waste of human blood. [sniffs blood on Joe's clothes] Hey, that's-a not-a delicious-a blood. [sniffs] That's a woman's a-period! YUCK! [leaves]

Joe Yunger:
Menstrual blood?! Oh, man. I'm gonna get sick.

Victor Frankenstein:
[singing] Mm mm-mm-mm.

Joe Yunger:
What the hell's the matter with you, man?

Victor Frankenstein:
[singing] Mm-mm. Mm mm-mm-mm mm. [points to his mouth being zipped where Joe told him to be quiet when he tried to kill Vampire Gandhi]

Joe Yunger:
Oh, yeah. Unzip already.

Victor Frankenstein:
Unzip! Oh, thanks. Boy! Do I have a fun vampire-killing job for you!

Joe Yunger:
[sighs] No can do, Victor. Not with those crazy b*tches throwin' their time-of-the-month all over me. Oh, man. I need a drink.