30 Rock2006

Tracy Jordan:
I have to be charming on Conan tonight. This is my chance to redeem myself with mainstream America.

Toufer:
Okay, well. Just tell us some things about your life, and we'll try to punch it up and make it talk show-worthy.

Pete:
Maybe something about you and your wife.

Tracy Jordan:
Me and my wife like to play rape. She go in the bathroom and do her hair. Then, I'll put on a ski mask...

Frank:
Hey, uh, you got anything about being a dad? People eat that garbage up.

Tracy Jordan:
I like to walk around my house naked, to remind my oldest son who's still got the biggest ding-dong.

Pete:
No.

Tracy Jordan:
Or I could tell the story of how I met Sharon Stone.

Pete:
What was that?

Tracy Jordan:
I was pooping in the ladies' room at The Ivy...

Pete:
No.