Absolutely Fabulous1992

Patsy:
[Patsy's affair with an MP has become front page news on all of the papers] Oh well, heigh ho, Eddy. [pours some champagne into a glass] I mean, you know, let them write what they want . . . [starts to read another feature] Continued on page five. I mean, I shall just rise above it. I shan't let this thing affect me in . . . bastard! No! No! No!

Eddie:
Who, who? Where, where? What, quick, what? Show, show, show! [Patsy hands Eddy the newspaper, Edina reads aloud] Source is . . .

Patsy:
No, no, no - further.

Eddie:
Pasty is . . . uh?

Patsy:
Yes?

Eddie:
Aged forty-seven!

Patsy:
Aagh! I'll sue!

Saffie:
[to Edina] Well, how old is she?

[Edina shrugs.]

Patsy:
I'm thirty-nine.

Saffie:
And I'm an ovum.

Patsy:
[tears up newspaper] Oh . . . it's just not fair.

Gran:
[Gran enters reading the newspaper headlines] Another pig-ugly MP making a fool of himself with some scrawny old hooker, I see.

Patsy:
Old? Old! Old, old, old!

Gran:
Nothing like a good old sex scandal. Bit more exciting than the ones in my day.

Eddie:
God, what was it in your day? "Woman Shows Ankle To Chimney-Sweep Shock"?