Absolutely Fabulous1992

[first lines]

Saffie:
Tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk!

Eddie:
Tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk! You're all tutty, darling! When Patsy comes in, I want you to treat her with a little bit of respect, alright?

Patsy:
[entering] Click, click, flash, flash. Click, flash, flash, flash, click, click, click. Flash, flash, flash. Guys, guys, just give me a break, darlings! Just give me a break. I have a life to lead! Click, click. "This way, Patsy!". Fellows, fellows, fellows. Sweetie's darlings, can you just leave me alone? Click, click, click, click. Flash, flash, flash, flash. Click, click, click. Patsy, Patsy!

Eddie:
You alright, darling? You're not letting this get to you, are you?

Patsy:
No, of course not.

Eddie:
A little bit of Bolly?

Patsy:
Yes, just a smidge. [looking at newspapers] Oh, are these todays?

Eddie:
Yes, sweetie.

Patsy:
Anything in them?

Eddie:
Not much, darling, no.

Saffie:
[reading from the paper] "M.P. in drug-crazed sex romp with shock with fash-mag slag".

Patsy:
Damn!

Eddie:
I know. Well, there is that, thank you very much, sweetie. Well, in fact you're front page on most of them, darling. But it has only been a day, you know.

Patsy:
I mean, who could still possibly be interested in reading all this?

Saffie:
His wife?

Patsy:
Listen, Saffy. I am the victim in this case. I mean, he's just using me for publicity. He's just riding on my back to get his pathetic little face in the papers.

Eddie:
Exactly, sweetie! Patsy's had the hassle and trauma. She's been forced to leave her flat, darling.

Saffie:
Forced? Even the cockroaches left that whole of their own accord.

Eddie:
They are trying to make out, darling, that Patsy is some kind of sex-crazed, morally corrupted, drunken, high-classed, prostitute, darling!

Saffie:
Pretty accurate, so far!