All in the Family1971

[Mike has just injured himself, trying to break down the door of the store room at Archie's Place]

Archie Bunker:
If I wasn't so mad at you, I'd laugh like hell.

Mike Stivic:
Well, I am not the one who left the key on the other side of the door.

Archie Bunker:
Well, I am not the one who slammed and locked the door with the key on the other side.

Mike Stivic:
I am not the one who didn't say, "Don't close the door! The key is on the other side!"

Archie Bunker:
I am not the one who sponged off of me for five years and didn't earn nothing but the name of Meathead!

Mike Stivic:
I AM NOT THE ONE WHO SITS AND WATCHES KOREAN MIDGETS WRESTLING ON CHANNEL 5 AND THINKS IT'S EDUCATIONAL TV!

Archie Bunker:
I AM NOT THE ONE THAT SITS IN FRONT OF A TELEVISION SET FOR A WHOLE HOUR STARING AT THE SAME ORCHESTRA!

Mike Stivic:
I LIKE SYMPHONIES!

Archie Bunker:
IF YOU LIKE SYMPHONIES, YOU'RE GONNA LOVE THIS!

[Archie blows a raspberry and waves his fingers like a conductor]

Archie Bunker:
You dumbbell!