Big Train1998

['This Is Your Life' Parody]

Michael Aspel:
After that success, you went on to star in the West End in numerous plays and of course in many films and television shows. But there was a cloud on the horizon, when your husband Billy became seriously ill. Billy developed a rare disease called Berlioz syndrome. The early symptoms resembled a mild form of flu, but soon his brain shrunk to the size of an orange and pus and mucus began to ooze out of his ears. Before long, cracks appeared in his skull and blood and membrane entered his digestive system. Fluid congealed in his eye sockets, and he began to grow hair internally. His fingernails and toenails fell out and his armpits began to function at only ten per cent of their previous capacity. His nerve cells became shredded and entangled with the internal hair follicles, while any erection was accompanied by excruciating and unbearable pain. He was of course unable to satisfy you sexually. He also developed lockjaw and the bones in his arms and legs liquefied. He was unable to eat, drink, sweat or defecate, and steam pumped out of his face 24 hours a day. Every one of his features merged into the other and the skin fell off his bones and crumpled in a heap on the floor. Finally, in 1962, the doctors were forced to reconstruct his entire body from catgut. But it wasn't all bad news, was it Mildred?

Mildred:
No, that's right. That was the year I did my first sitcom with June Whitfield.