Community2009

Jeff Winger:
Conversation was invented by humans to conceal reality. We use it to sweet-talk our way around natural selection, You know who has real conversations? Ants. They talk by vomiting chemicals into each other's mouths. They get right down to brass tracks. Bleh! "Which way's the picnic?" Bleh! "That way." Humans are more evolved. We lie.

Abed Nadir:
Not all the time.

Jeff Winger:
That's a lie.

Abed Nadir:
We don't lie when we're alone.

Jeff Winger:
Biggest lie ever. Nine out of ten lies occur six inches away from the bathroom mirror. We do most of our lying alone.

Abed Nadir:
How is it even possible to lie when you are alone?

Jeff Winger:
You can call a phone sex line. That's lying to yourself.

Abed Nadir:
No, that's just being honest with a stranger about being lonely.

Jeff Winger:
What if you're dishonest about why you're lonely? What if you're a good-looking guy who calls a phone sex line and tells them he weighs 400 pounds, just so he can hear a woman say she's attracted to him anyway?

Abed Nadir:
Well, I don't believe that happens.

Jeff Winger:
Wrong. That's me! I did that last week.

Abed Nadir:
But why would you pay a woman on the phone to think you're fat?

Jeff Winger:
Because I'm scared that if I were overweight that no one would like me. God, that feels good to admit! Abed, the point being... [puts his constant-buzzing phone into his drink] The point being, you don't have to worry about being normal, or real, or whatever this is tonight. The world is a sick place, full of sick, sick people.