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[the group members are sharing their secrets]

Jeff Winger:
I found the perfect girl for me, and then I met her kid. [the characters break out in song] I said it didn't bother me, but truthfully it did. I promised him I'd make it to a baseball game he had. But I bailed and never called again, and now I'm just exactly like my dad.

Britta Perry:
I am an activist, that's always been my choice. Truth is I've never voted, except when I watch The Voice.

Annie Edison:
I was struggling in history, I'm normally the best. I let Cornwallis rub my feet to give me all the answers to a test.

Troy Barnes:
I caused the Greendale Fire of '03. Fifty-five acres went up in a blaze, all because I burned an ant hill.

Jeff Winger, Britta Perry, Annie Edison, Troy Barnes, Abed Nadir, Shirley Bennett:
This secret inside me was trapped beyond a doubt. And now my most terrible secret's out.

Balloon Guide:
[in a normal voice] There you are. Come on, guys.

Pierce Hawthorne:
[singing] I've never slept with the great Eartha Kitt. We dry-humped inside of her tour bus.

Jeff Winger, Britta Perry, Annie Edison, Troy Barnes, Abed Nadir, Shirley Bennett, Pierce Hawthorne:
This secret inside me was trapped beyond a doubt.

Jeff Winger:
And now my most terrible secret's out.