Dead Like Me2003

Roxy:
I'm gonna get a pet bird.

Mason:
Don't get a bird.

Roxy:
Why not?

Mason:
Because they're weird. I dunno. I can't relate to a bird. They're so far removed. They've got different chromosomes... and they come from eggs...

Roxy:
They have faces.

Mason:
So do cockroaches. What are you going to do with a bird?

Roxy:
I'm gonna stick it in a cage and feed it, what do you think I'm gonna do with it?

Mason:
Well I think you should at least get one you can eat.

Roxy:
I'm gonna get a friend! I'm not going to eat my friend!

Mason:
They have brains the size of pistachios... it's not smart enough to be your friend.

Roxy:
You don't know what you're talking about! I saw this special on PBS called "Animal Miracles" and they did a dramatic re-enactment about a guy being robbed, and he had a parrot or a cockatoo or something, and that bird lost it's sh*t when its owner was attacked. It opened up it's cage...

Mason:
[Interrupting] Why would you put a bird in a cage if it can open the door?

Roxy:
[Getting frustrated] Where else are you going to put it? It opened up it's cage and went crazy, pecked out the robbers eyes, scratched his face up like he was Tippi Hedren or some sh*t. And don't you tell me that's not friendship.

Mason:
[a moment of silence] How big was this parrot?

Roxy:
I don't know, parrot size.

Mason:
Well a parrot can't take on a full-grown man unless that man is a big p*ssy...

Roxy:
I didn't say the parrot won! The robber stabbed it with a fork and killed it's owner. The bird's dead.

Mason:
So why are you getting a bird?

Roxy:
[Very frustrated] It's not about homeland security, you stupid mother f***er, I'm gonna get a friend!

Mason:
[Shocked]... Jesus...