Death Battle2010

Wizard:
Michelangelo is the youngest of the turtles. He's lazy, undisciplined and easily distracted. He spends his free time playing video games, watching TV, reading comic books and eating pizza.

Boomstick:
That turtle is f***ed up!

Wizard:
What?

Boomstick:
Come on, you can't tell me that that turtle is not on drugs!

Wizard:
I don't know, I always thought he was dropped as a kid.

Boomstick:
Okay, look! He has all the signs! Strange eating habits, inability to pay attention, incoherent phrases...

Wizard:
Moving on, his weapon of choice...

Boomstick:
The bong!

Wizard:
No, the nunchaku, isn't really a weapon at all. It's a farming tool for threshing grain. These "weapons" are unnecessarily overcomplicated clubs with the effectiveness of a tattered flyswatter. Yet SOMEHOW, Michelangelo has been able to blunder his way through fights to victories he really doesn't deserve!

Boomstick:
He even beat Raph once.

Wizard:
Sure, I get it, swinging chucks around gives him momentum to hit with them, blah, blah, blah, but in the end, a baseball bat will give you the same effect and more with much less effort! Seriously, who came up with these things? They're preposterous!

Boomstick:
You're prepostemous! I don't know.

Wizard:
And, for some reason, in all his infinite wisdom, the great master Splinter gave the most complicated weapon to the retard of the group! WHY?

Boomstick:
Mikey's not gonna win this fight, is he?

Wizard:
He'd better not.