Father Ted1995

Father Ted Crilly:
Father Stack, if you're trying to embarrass us, you're not succeeding.

Father Fintan Stack:
[Smugly] Yes I am!

Father Rory Shanahan:
Well I have to say, I think you're a very rude man.

Father Fintan Stack:
[Still smug] If you ever say that to me again, I'll put your head through the wall.

[Father Ted, Father Rory and Father Ken look uncomfortable and embarrassed. Door opens, sending beer cans everywhere. Dougal staggers in, he is drunk]

Father Ted Crilly:
Dougal, where did you go?

Father Dougal McGuire:
[Slurred] Ted! How are ya? [Lunges forward and hugs Ted, who pushes him away]

Father Ted Crilly:
[Shocked] Dougal, what the...

Father Dougal McGuire:
Guess what, Ted?

Father Ted Crilly:
What?

Father Dougal McGuire:
[Confused] What?

Father Ted Crilly:
Dougal, have you been drinking?

Father Dougal McGuire:
I have, Ted! I've been drinking like a mad eejit! [Puts his arm around Ted] No no, wait wait... [Winks at an amused Father Stack]... No, I haven't!

Father Ted Crilly:
Dougal, I'm ashamed of you.

Father Dougal McGuire:
[Shaking Ted] Ted, Ted, Teddy, Ted, Ted. Come here Teddy, Teddy, Ted, Ted, you're my best friend. God I love being a priest. [Drunkenly unenthusiastic] We're all going to heaven lads, wahey.

Father Fintan Stack:
[Quietly amused] Perhaps I should explain. Your little friend and I were enjoying ourselves with a bottle of whiskey I found upstairs.

Father Ted Crilly:
[Outraged] Well, this is the last straw!

Father Dougal McGuire:
[Holding some car keys] I'm driving! I'm driving home, I'm perfectly capable... [Collapses, dropping the keys. Father Stack retrieves them]