Flashforward2009

[first lines]

Simon:
I know what caused the flash-forwards... You don't believe me.

Camille:
Well, of course I do. The world's greatest mystery's been solved by a boozer on a train bound for Los Angeles.

Simon:
[points to her cellphone] Can you connect to the Internet with that? Real quick, do an image search for "Quantum Physicist Genius". Go on; I'll wait... Which came up first, me winning the Robert Wilson award or the jaunty one of me holding lab goggles over my genitals?

Camille:
[stunned to see the second image pop up] Hold up - you really...

Simon:
I'm obviously wasting my time.

Camille:
I'm sorry; I've just heard that line a hundred times before.

Simon:
Do you really want to know?

Camille:
Of course.

Simon:
The flash-forwards were caused by you. It's simple quantum mechanics, really. Whenever a heavenly body carries such an intense force of attraction, the universe just goes... bananas.

Camille:
[vaguely amused] Sounds technical.

Simon:
Helps if you have a Ph.D. or two. If my calculations are correct, your dark energy can bring about another catastrophe at any moment.