Frasier1993

Niles:
Dad, I have never seen Maris this angry. I swear, her eye was twitching like a frog in a science experiment.

Martin:
Well, when your mother'd get mad at me, I'd just grab her, bend her backwards, and give her a kiss that made her glad she was a woman!

Niles:
I can't do that with Maris; she has an abnormally rigid vertebrae; she'd snap like a twig!

Frasier:
Let me guess: Maris has moved into the east wing again?

Niles:
Sunday was her 40th birthday. She said in no uncertain terms she wanted no acknowledgement of it whatsoever, and, in a moment I live over and over in my dreams, I believed her.

Frasier:
What - no gifts? No party? No nothing?

Niles:
Say that weeping into an ermine lap robe and you've got her down perfectly.

Martin:
Why don't you just get her a nice bottle of perfume?

Niles:
She gets hives.

Martin:
How about candy?

Niles:
Hypoglycaemic.

Martin:
Just get her a dozen roses.

Niles:
Allergic.

Frasier:
Well listen Niles, why don't you just sit her down and have a little talk with her; tell it was a mistake. We all know she's a bit touchy about her age, even though it's not the first time she's turned forty.