How I Met Your Mother2005

Barney Stinson:
Loneliness... the looming specter of Valentine's Day fast approaching... the two key ingredients to my favorite day of the year - February 13th, Desperation Day.

Robin Scherbatsky:
That's not a thing

Barney Stinson:
It's a thing. Much like Valentine's Day itself, Desperation Day dates back thousands of years. [Visualizes Roman-era wedding] Weddings were forbidden under ancient Roman law, so St. Valentine performed them in secret, under threat of death.

Ted Mosby:
That's actually true.

Barney Stinson:
Wait. There's more.

Ted Mosby:
This won't be.

Barney Stinson:
And right by St. Valentine's side was his best bro, St. Desperatius, there to pick off insecure bridesmaids. [Cut to fantasy scene with Barney as St. Desperatius and Ted as St. Valentine. Desperatius sees woman who looks exactly like Robin]

Barney Stinson:
[as St. Desperatius] Whoa! Check out that one, her body is a perfect X.

Ted Mosby:
[as St. Valentine] Player! Play on! High V. [high-fives]

Robin Scherbatsky:
[as Roman woman] Oh Jupiter! What are your plans for me? Fifteen and still unmarried.

Barney Stinson:
[as St. Desperatius, to Robin] And I thought Pompeii was smoking.