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Barney Stinson: Loneliness... the looming specter of Valentine's Day fast approaching... the two key ingredients to my favorite day of the year - February 13th, Desperation Day.Robin Scherbatsky: That's not a thingBarney Stinson: It's a thing. Much like Valentine's Day itself, Desperation Day dates back thousands of years. [Visualizes Roman-era wedding] Weddings were forbidden under ancient Roman law, so St. Valentine performed them in secret, under threat of death.Ted Mosby: That's actually true.Barney Stinson: Wait. There's more.Ted Mosby: This won't be.Barney Stinson: And right by St. Valentine's side was his best bro, St. Desperatius, there to pick off insecure bridesmaids. [Cut to fantasy scene with Barney as St. Desperatius and Ted as St. Valentine. Desperatius sees woman who looks exactly like Robin]Barney Stinson: [as St. Desperatius] Whoa! Check out that one, her body is a perfect X.Ted Mosby: [as St. Valentine] Player! Play on! High V. [high-fives]Robin Scherbatsky: [as Roman woman] Oh Jupiter! What are your plans for me? Fifteen and still unmarried.Barney Stinson: [as St. Desperatius, to Robin] And I thought Pompeii was smoking.

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