How I Met Your Mother2005

Ted:
[enters the Love Solutions office to find his match-maker Ellen hunched over and despondent; she has failed to match him with the woman of his dreams in 3 days as she promised] Hi, Ellen! I think I want my money back!

Ellen Pierce:
I'm a failure! I'm all washed up! I tried everything, Ted! I widened the search parameters. I tweaked the program! Last night I stood out on the street for 5 hours showing your photo to random pedestrians. No takers! Although this transvestite hooker said he/she would do you for half-price because you look like John Cusack and his/hers favorite movie is 'Say anything.'

[She breaks into tears. Ted sees an ice cream carton on the desk in front of Ellen]

Ted:
Come on, Ellen! A pint of ice cream? Isn't that a bit of a cliche?

Ellen Pierce:
It's full of bourbon.

[gulps it down]

Ted:
This isn't hopeless! You're going to find someone for me!

Ellen Pierce:
No! I won't! You're going to die alone!

Ted:
[said with a forced cheer] I'm not going to die alone! Look at me! I'm bright! I'm attractive. You should go back out there and keep looking!

Ellen Pierce:
No! You're never going to find anybody! And every year you're just getting older and it's getting harder and harder!

Ted:
You're being ridiculous!

[indicates the wall on which Ellen has hung the photos of happy couples she has matched up]

Ted:
I'm going to be up on that wall one of these days!

Ellen Pierce:
No, you won't!