How I Met Your Mother2005

Older Ted:
Kids, I'm gonna tell you an incredible story. The story of how I met your mother.

Son:
Are we being punished for something.

Older Ted:
No.

Daughter:
Yeah, is this gonna take awhile?

Older Ted:
Yes. Twenty-five years ago, before I was "dad" I had this whole other life. I was 27, just starting out as an architect, living with your uncle Marshall. My life was good. Then your uncle Marshall went screwed the whole thing up.

[flash to 2005]

Marshall Eriksen:
Will you marry me?

Ted:
Yes! Perfect. You pop the champagne. You drink a toast. You have sex on the kitchen floor. Don't have sex on our kitchen floor.

Marshall Eriksen:
Right. Got it. Thanks for helping me plan this out, Ted.

Ted:
Are you kidding? It's you and Lily. I've been there for all the big you and Lily moments. The night you met, your first date... other firsts.

Marshall Eriksen:
Yeah... sorry, we thought you were asleep.

Ted:
It's physics, Marshall. If the bottom bunk moves, the top bunk moves too. Oh my God, you're getting engaged tonight.

Marshall Eriksen:
Yeah. What are you doing tonight?

Older Ted:
[V.O] What was I doing? Here, your uncle Marshall was taking the biggest step of his life and me? I'm calling up your uncle Barney.

Barney:
Hey, so you know how I've always had a thing for half-Asian chicks? Well, now I've got a new thing. Lebanese chicks. Lebanese chicks are the new half-Asians.

Ted:
Hey, you wanna do something tonight?

Barney:
Okay, meet me at the bar in 10 minutes, and suit up!

Barney:
[Ted walks in] Where's your suit? Just once, when I say, "suit up" I wish you'd put on a suit.

Ted:
I did... that one time.

Barney:
It was a blazer!