I'm Alan Partridge1997

Alan Partridge:
Hello, commuters with your computers. This book would fit ideally into, er, an attache case or the thigh pocket of a pair of fashionable combat trousers. Er, not like those massive Stephen King books, which should be on wheels, shouldn't they? Yeah. It's embarrassing. Idiot. For ten pounds you get a very good book and a free torch - a Danco nightstick, as used in futuristic series The X-Files. There's a demonstration model tied to the chair with a skipping rope by that woman. Wh-what is it you want? Right. Train for Lowestoft is on platform four, er, it leaves in... five minutes, so, er, better learn to jog again quickly. No, seriously, run. You will miss it. This book is a top business aid. As I'm sure, er, as I'm sure you are, sir. Look at that: not even listening. Off to London, no doubt. Go to London! I guarantee you'll either be mugged or not appreciated. Catch the train to London, stopping at Rejection, Disappointment, Backstabbing Central and Shattered Dreams Parkway.