Inside Story1974

[the market inspector has been nagging Roger, yet again, to wear a white coat]

Roger Barton:
What the bloody difference a white coat makes, I haven't got a clue.

Maggie Barton:
Makes you look nice.

Roger Barton:
Makes you look nice. Do you think it makes the fish taste better? Is it better for it? Does it safeguard it more? It's one of the things we've got in the European Common Market. Since we joined that, everybody's got to wear white hats...

[points to his hat which is a grubby fedora that is not white]

Roger Barton:
...white hat, take note - mine's a bit dirty - and also white coats. White coats, marvellous. I've got a white vest. And my underpants are white... and clean. I can't afford it. This firm doesn't go to white coats. We're not like these other firms, the big companies. They've got plenty of money. This is a poor little individual firm and we're saving up for white coats. If he is so worried about the *bleep* white coat, let him buy me one!

[the phone rings and Roger picks it up without knowing who's calling]

Roger Barton:
Hello. Is that the police. Have you got any white coats there? Can you send some down? We're in desperate need of white coats to save the fish market! Gawd 'elp us!

[other fishmongers applaud]

Fishmonger:
What a *bleep* performance!

[later - after a formal written warning from the market inspector, Roger is now reluctantly wearing a white coat, though he is still wearing his old fedora hat]

Roger Barton:
Surrender? No, actually, it was two or three degrees colder this morning, and when I first come in, I felt a bit chilly. So that's why I've got the white coat. If it warms up a bit tomorrow, the temperature, we will be *minus* the coat!