JAG1995

Maj. Gen. Gordon 'Biff' Cresswell:
I just got off the phone with the Fairfax County Commonwealth Attorney's Office. Care to venture a guess about who we talked about?

Lt. Cmdr. Bud Roberts:
Me, sir?

Maj. Gen. Gordon 'Biff' Cresswell:
You, sir. He informed me the Commonwealth of Virginia is charging you with assault.

Lt. Cmdr. Bud Roberts:
So I've heard, sir.

Maj. Gen. Gordon 'Biff' Cresswell:
So you've heard? Were you ever going to tell me?

Lt. Cmdr. Bud Roberts:
I didn't want to burden you with my personal problems, General.

Maj. Gen. Gordon 'Biff' Cresswell:
A JAG officer brawling in public is not a "personal problem", Commander Roberts. When he's in uniform under my command, it's my problem. Did you know about this?

Cmdr. Sturgis Turner:
No, sir.

Maj. Gen. Gordon 'Biff' Cresswell:
Did you attack this civilian?

Lt. Cmdr. Bud Roberts:
Yes and no, sir. Uh, he attacked my brother with a shoe, and I was trying...

Maj. Gen. Gordon 'Biff' Cresswell:
A-a shoe?

Lt. Cmdr. Bud Roberts:
Yes, sir, a-a-a heavy shoe: a wing-tipped Oxford.

Maj. Gen. Gordon 'Biff' Cresswell:
Why?

Lt. Cmdr. Bud Roberts:
The gentleman had said some disparaging remarks about the military. My brother Mikey's a midshipman at the Academy. He took offense, heated words were exchanged, and...

Maj. Gen. Gordon 'Biff' Cresswell:
So you hit a wing-tip wielding history teacher because he insulted the Navy?

Lt. Cmdr. Bud Roberts:
Well, not just the Navy, sir. The Marine Corps, as well.

Maj. Gen. Gordon 'Biff' Cresswell:
Are you trying to manipulate me, Commander?

Lt. Cmdr. Bud Roberts:
No, sir.

Maj. Gen. Gordon 'Biff' Cresswell:
If you're convicted, your naval career is over. You know that.

Lt. Cmdr. Bud Roberts:
I expect to be acquitted, sir.

Maj. Gen. Gordon 'Biff' Cresswell:
[to Sturgis] You're a member of the Virginia Bar, Commander. You'll volunteer as defense counsel.

Cmdr. Sturgis Turner:
Aye aye, sir.

Maj. Gen. Gordon 'Biff' Cresswell:
Make this go away.

Cmdr. Sturgis Turner:
Do my best, sir.

Maj. Gen. Gordon 'Biff' Cresswell:
After the civilians are done with you, Commander Roberts, it'll be my turn.