M*A*S*H1972

Captain Benjamin Franklin Pierce:
[Enters tent] Charles, I have something incredible to tell you.

Major Charles Winchester:
[Stands] Here you are, Pierce. Let me make this easy for you. Here you go. [Drops trousers]

Captain Benjamin Franklin Pierce:
No, I don't want your pants. I come in peace.

Major Charles Winchester:
Oh, no need to pull my leg, Pierce. Here you go, now you say 'Got you Charles, ha ha ha' and the then you leave.

Captain Benjamin Franklin Pierce:
How can I make you listen to me?

Major Charles Winchester:
Cannot.

Captain Benjamin Franklin Pierce:
Okay, here you go. Here you are. [Drops trousers] Here's a show of good faith.

Major Charles Winchester:
Oh, the nudist magazines are finally taking their toll, eh?

Captain Benjamin Franklin Pierce:
No, no, nothing like that. All I want is a brief conversation.

Major Charles Winchester:
Concerning what?

Captain Benjamin Franklin Pierce:
Concerning your enemy and mine BJ Hunnicut. This is a man with two faces, each one containing a forked tongue.

Major Charles Winchester:
Why, what's he done?

Captain Benjamin Franklin Pierce:
Everything. I was supposed to sit in that glue in the officer's club, only he arranged for the chairs to be switched and you'd get it again.

Major Charles Winchester:
You expect me to believe this, Pierce?

Captain Benjamin Franklin Pierce:
Charles. I swear I'm telling the naked truth. As Klinger as my witness. He was the one who switched the chairs on BJ's instructions. and it was BJ's idea that you go bareback in the OR too.

Major Charles Winchester:
Pierce, this sounds like the rantings of a lunatic. Are you telling me this is true?

Captain Benjamin Franklin Pierce:
Absolutely. Our own clean cut, adorable, soft spoken BJ is a perverse genius. He magnificently orchestrated things so you'd get humiliated, I'd get blamed and he'd get his jollies.

Major Charles Winchester:
My word. Machiavelli would have been proud.

Captain Benjamin Franklin Pierce:
But it's not over yet. You know the old saying: he who lives by the joke shall die by the joke.