M*A*S*H1972

Colonel Carmichael:
Do you have any opening remarks?

Capt. Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce:
Yes! Unaccustomed as I am to public lynching, let me just say that even the army must surely have better things to do than to listen to the ravings of a man with enough mold on his brain to produce a quart of penicillin.

Maj. Frank Burns:
Sticks and stones, your honor.

Capt. Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce:
Major burns has had it in for me ever since I suggested that he's created more widows and pall bearers than salmonella.

Colonel Carmichael:
Would you say that your lack of respect for the Major's medical skills, might have contributed to the alleged mutiny?

Capt. Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce:
There *was* no mutiny! It's his medical skills that are alleged! I say that Major Burns snapped under the burden of command, and that he never should have been put in the position of command. And that if the politicians of the world hadn't failed to keep the peace, he'd be back in Indiana right now, with his cozy little malpractice. And meeting his receptionist two afternoons a week at the Golden Goose Motel.

Maj. Frank Burns:
THAT'S A LIE!

Capt. Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce:
Don't leave your unopened mail around.