M*A*S*H1972

Colonel Sherman T. Potter:
Okay, I got something to tell you and I don't want to hear so much as a titter, a snicker or a guffaw from anybody.

Captain Benjamin Franklin Pierce:
You hear that Charles?

Colonel Sherman T. Potter:
Subject of this meeting is... The Army. [Looks expectantly at Pierce, Hunnicut and Winchester, who sit quiet] [Quietly] So far, so good. [Regular voice] I have been directed to address you on the possibility of making the Army your career.

Captain Benjamin Franklin Pierce:
[Pierce, Hunnicut and Winchester all burst out in laughter. Potter crosses his arms and waits for the laughter to stop] I'm sorry! If I held that in, my teeth would have exploded!

Captain B.J. Hunnicut:
Come on, you gotta be kidding!

Major Charles Winchester:
Gentlemen, please. It's impolite to laugh at seniles.

Colonel Sherman T. Potter:
[Sharply] What did he say?

Captain B.J. Hunnicut:
Loss of hearing is the first sign. [All three begin laughing again]

Major Margaret Houlihan:
Will you clowns keep quiet? Some of us are interested in what the Colonel has to say. Go on Colonel.

Colonel Sherman T. Potter:
Why, thank you, Major. [Pierce begins making kissing noises] You blow one more kiss, Pierce, and those lips 'll never walk again.

Father Francis Mulcahy:
Please, I'd like to hear this too. [Pierce, Hunnicut and Winchester all make kissing noises] Oh, blow it out your bugle! Colonel, please continue.

Colonel Sherman T. Potter:
Gracias, Padre. Now I think you'll admit, the Army presents unique opportunities, that can't be had anywhere else.

Captain Benjamin Franklin Pierce:
That's very true. What other job lets you die for a living?

Captain B.J. Hunnicut:
Certainly a once in a lifetime experience.

Colonel Sherman T. Potter:
The Army provides a chance to see the world.

Captain Benjamin Franklin Pierce:
Scenic tours of all the great battlefields.

Colonel Sherman T. Potter:
[Through gritted teeth] It provides a home.

Captain Benjamin Franklin Pierce:
Where even the buffalo wouldn't roam.

Colonel Sherman T. Potter:
Okay, that does it! Lecture's over! Class dismissed! [Everyone heads for the door] Except you Pierce! Since you insist on behaving like a dunce, you can cap it off by staying after school!