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Colonel Sherman T. Potter: Okay, I got something to tell you and I don't want to hear so much as a titter, a snicker or a guffaw from anybody.Captain Benjamin Franklin Pierce: You hear that Charles?Colonel Sherman T. Potter: Subject of this meeting is... The Army. [Looks expectantly at Pierce, Hunnicut and Winchester, who sit quiet] [Quietly] So far, so good. [Regular voice] I have been directed to address you on the possibility of making the Army your career.Captain Benjamin Franklin Pierce: [Pierce, Hunnicut and Winchester all burst out in laughter. Potter crosses his arms and waits for the laughter to stop] I'm sorry! If I held that in, my teeth would have exploded!Captain B.J. Hunnicut: Come on, you gotta be kidding!Major Charles Winchester: Gentlemen, please. It's impolite to laugh at seniles.Colonel Sherman T. Potter: [Sharply] What did he say?Captain B.J. Hunnicut: Loss of hearing is the first sign. [All three begin laughing again]Major Margaret Houlihan: Will you clowns keep quiet? Some of us are interested in what the Colonel has to say. Go on Colonel.Colonel Sherman T. Potter: Why, thank you, Major. [Pierce begins making kissing noises] You blow one more kiss, Pierce, and those lips 'll never walk again.Father Francis Mulcahy: Please, I'd like to hear this too. [Pierce, Hunnicut and Winchester all make kissing noises] Oh, blow it out your bugle! Colonel, please continue.Colonel Sherman T. Potter: Gracias, Padre. Now I think you'll admit, the Army presents unique opportunities, that can't be had anywhere else.Captain Benjamin Franklin Pierce: That's very true. What other job lets you die for a living?Captain B.J. Hunnicut: Certainly a once in a lifetime experience.Colonel Sherman T. Potter: The Army provides a chance to see the world.Captain Benjamin Franklin Pierce: Scenic tours of all the great battlefields.Colonel Sherman T. Potter: [Through gritted teeth] It provides a home.Captain Benjamin Franklin Pierce: Where even the buffalo wouldn't roam.Colonel Sherman T. Potter: Okay, that does it! Lecture's over! Class dismissed! [Everyone heads for the door] Except you Pierce! Since you insist on behaving like a dunce, you can cap it off by staying after school!

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