Malcolm in the Middle2000

Coach Oleski:
Malcolm, there you are. You know Ira James, right? All-State fullback, state single-season rushing record... Who'm I kiddin'. He's probably never even talked to you. Ira's graduating this year. He's got interests from six Division 1-A colleges. Full rides. The problem is, each school wants him to write a personal essay on his application.

Malcolm:
So...

Coach Oleski:
So, Ira's an idiot. I mean, hamster idiot. And that's only if we're talkin' about a really stupid hamster.

Ira:
Mom says I have other nice qualities.

Coach Oleski:
Since you're the smartest kid in school, I want you to help him write his essays.

Malcolm:
I wish I could, but I've got like three midterms next week.

Coach Oleski:
Look, you don't understand. Ira is a football player. That means when he needs somethin', it's up to you non-football kids to do it for him. The cheerleaders understand it. Look, I'll make it worth your while. I'll let you out of gym for the rest of the semester.

Malcolm:
I don't mind gym.

Coach Oleski:
[scoffing] Sure you don't, braniac!